The Invisible “Ally”
By Kelly Ficner
I am a cisgender woman who is married to a cisgender man. This statement and the visual it presents to the world prompts most people to assume that we are both heterosexual. This is not the case.
Bisexual is how I identify. I have loved both men and women in my life. My experiences in the LGBTQIA+ community are pretty much like those of Goldilocks.
As someone who is not strictly straight, I have never felt that I fit into the heterosexual narrative. I am too different. My attraction is not strictly to cisgender men. I am not straight enough.
Yet, when I attempt to fit in with the LGBTQIA+ community, it comes across as if I am not different enough. I am too straight. “Why are you here?” is the question I get often.
Most people assume that allyship is what defines my Pride, and that is ok, but it still isn’t the perfect fit. Much like Goldilocks, the porridge is not “just right.” Too straight for the queer community, but not straight enough for the hetero crowd. Invisible is how I often feel. I accept the role of “ally” because my situation allows me to act as an advocate for those who aren’t as invisible as I am.
Dr. Kelly Ficner is the Chair of SUNY Canton’s Criminal Justice Department.