Oddball Out
By Neil Grace
It’s weird to grow up one way,
then you go spend time around others
and you go:
Oh, why is the world like that?
And why the hell am I the oddball out?
I played with Hot Wheels
and this one little monster truck that I got from a Happy Meal.
I played with any dinosaur I could find.
My favorite was a little orange stegosaurus that I called Dino.
But I also played with dolls.
I played with the Barbies I stole from the attic,
baby dolls that I both cared for
and threw down the stairs, like any other kid.
I fell in love with every Hello Kitty thing I could find.
Once I got to school in 6th grade,
I found out, no—
you don’t play with both.
My mom works a full-time job.
My dad is a stay-at-home husband.
My mom can’t cook to save her life.
My dad is one the best home cooks ever.
I thought it was normal for either parent to stay home or be the breadwinner,
but no—
that’s not how it’s supposed to go.
No wonder I’m like this.
When I was in 11th grade,
my English teacher asked the class
if the girls remembered wanting to be princesses when they were little
and the boys, if they remembered wanting to be superheroes.
I remembered wanting to be an archaeologist.
My peers felt that this was the wrong answer.
But of course, they expected that from the oddball out.
My peers were used to me being odd in general.
I would be found lying on the classroom floor,
sitting under tables
and was once seen jumping out a window.
Did they know I was queer?
Love-wise, sure.
Gender-wise, maybe.
For all they knew, Neil was always oddball out.
You can point to my parents and say:
“That’s why the oddball is like this,”
because my mom is a rather masculine woman, and
my dad always took up the role of mom.
But who cares?
It isn’t your life.
I don’t really pick a side to be on.
I think choosing is moronic.
While my name is gendered,
who cares?
Anything can be any gender if one tries hard enough.
Does being gendered by others make me feel gross?
No, not really.
It’s more than anything kinda funny
to see what someone picks.
I’ll just sit in the window
being the oddball out.
Neil Grace, a sophomore in SUNY Canton's Game Design and Development program, has been confusing people since they were very little. It’s their favorite pastime. They’re currently confusing people with their various writings and by being seen digging in the dirt for worms.